Love at Last
by Time Lady Evangeline
Summary: Merlin meets a young girl who changes his life. From laughs with Arthur, to caring Gaius, all the way to pain and loss and heartbreak, join Merlin in the adventure of a lifetime. Will it be too much for the young warlock to handle?
1. Humility

**Author's Note: Hey! Time Lady Evangeline here! This story, even though it's from Merlin's perspective, I guess it's still an OC fic if you add a character. I hope you enjoy, Merlin is such a fun show to write for! The timeline for this is just before Morgana's disappearance. **

**Disclaimer: I claim no possession of Merlin, or any of its characters.**

Her name was Leala. The first time we met, I had accidentally spilled a bucket of water

onto her head.

"My apologies! It was my fault!" She said as she began to gather the things she'd

dropped.

"No, no, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to." I bent down and picked up the last few items,

handing them to her. She was very shy, and didn't make eye contact with me. As she made to

go quickly, she slipped in the water and her head hit the stone floor. She let out a soft cry of

pain, and I rushed over to help her. She looked at me this time, and I could see that she had a

bump and a bloody scrape where her forehead had collided with the ground.

"Are you alright?!" I asked her, holding out a hand to help her up.

" 'm fine." She slurred, standing to her feet. She swayed, so I put my hand on her back

to steady her.

"Well, I'm Merlin, what's your name?" She stared at me for several seconds before

answering.

"Leala. I'm Leala."

"That looks pretty bad," I said, gesturing to her head. "Maybe you should go see Gaius.

He'll patch you up."

"I'm alright. I should go." She let go of my sleeve, of which she had not been aware of

gripping. She grimaced at the pain in her head.

"I'd feel a lot better if you came with me. Gaius can give you something for the

headache. And if you get in any trouble for not finishing your work, I'm sure I can smooth it

over with Prince Arthur. I'm his manservant."

"Er… I guess it wouldn't hurt to get bandaged…"

"Good, come on, I'll take you. I live with him." She walked slowly beside me, and I took

the time to study her. Her dress was ragged and flat from wear. It was patched in several

places. The sleeves were rolled up just past her elbows, and she wore an apron over it all. She

looked slightly worse due to the fact she was soaked in water and had blood running

down her forehead. The dirt that had been on her skin had turned to streaks of mud. Her hair

was a gentle light brown held up in a bun, and her eyes were a dark green.

We'd arrived at Gaius's now, and I swung open the door and held it for her. "Ah, Merlin!

You're half an hour late, what kept y- who's this?" Gaius made his way toward us, and caught

sight of Leala's head. "Oh, now I see. Come on over here, I'll help you." He said gently, leading

her to a chair nearby. "Merlin!" He shouted. "Fetch the remedy for headaches!" Leala winced,

bringing her hand up to her head.

"Does the noise hurt you?" He whispered.

"A bit. It's alright though."

"I'm sorry. May I have a look?" He gestured for her to move her hand, and she

complied. Gaius rinsed the wound and cleaned it, Leala biting down on her lip so she didn't

make any noise through as it stung. "I'm going to look at your eyes, alright? Merlin, bring the

light closer." I did as he said, and Leala squeezed her eyes shut as the brightness increased, and

Gaius permitted me to take it away.

"Did the light hurt?" She nodded, and Gaius sighed, opening one of her eyes wide with

his fingers. He pulled away after a moment. "It appears you've given yourself a concussion.

How exactly did this happen?"

"I slipped…" Gaius handed her the headache potion.

"Slipped?"

"I… uh… spilled some water… on her."

"Merlin! What have I told you about watching where you're going?!"

"No, it was my fault, I ran into him." Leala said.

"Well, either way, you're going to need bed rest, at least for tomorrow."

"I couldn't possibly-"

"I'll take over your duties for the day, don't worry." I assured her.

"I guess… Are you sure?"

"Absolutely." Gaius gave her some of the headache potion for the next day and I offered

to walk her home. When I got back, Gaius eyed me suspiciously as we sat eating dinner.

"What?"

"This girl, you like her?"

"What?! No! Where'd you get that idea from?!"

"Just a guess, my bad." He chuckled, taking away the plates as we finished.

**Author's note: Please review! I love all of your input!**


	2. Magic

The next day my workload practically doubled as I took on both Leala's work and my

own.

"_Meeeeerlin!" _Arthur called, and I quickly ran into the room.

"Yes?" I answered, out of breath.

"Honestly Merlin, where have you been? I've needed you for the past hour."

"Been busy." I muttered.

"With what? You work for me, and you haven't been here. Never mind that, polish my

armor. Come on, hurry up then." He thrust the metal chest plate and helmet at me, along with

his boots, and I went straight to work.

That night, I decided to check up on Leala. Not that I was worried, I just had to make

sure she'd remembered to take her potion, after all, it was easy to forget with a concussion. I

knocked on her front door, no answer. With a slight push, it easily fell open and a peeked my

head in.

"Leala? Are you in here?" I heard a small whimper from the corner of the room. "Leala?"

I entered, slowly making my way to the figure in the shadows.

"Stay back. I can't control it." Her voice strained with fear.

"Control what? What is it?"

"Just… go. Please." She began to sob.

"Let me help you."

"You can't help me-" She clutched her head in pain. When she looked up at me, her dark

green eyes flashed gold and a pot came flying at me. "NO!" She screamed, and a vase across

the room shattered. I held up my palm to the pot and stopped it with a quick incantation.

She must have seen the magic in my eyes because she fell silent. "Merlin…" she

whispered. I came up to her and rested a hand on her shoulder.

"It's alright, Leala, I understand."

"I don't!" She cried, shaking.

"I can help you, but you have to calm down first." She took a deep breath and looked up

at me. "You don't have to be afraid. You're just fine. Now, what just happened was magic, but

you already know that, don't you?" She nodded. "People like you and I are born with it. I guess

the concussion triggered your magic to begin. Magic can be a wonderful thing, Leala. Look," I

held out my hand and said a few soft words, and the vase that had shattered repaired itself,

and it would have been impossible to tell it had ever been anything but whole. She stared at me

in awe, and I smiled at her.

"But if Uther-"

"He won't find out unless you use magic near him. You've just gotta learn to control it. I

can help you."

"Thank you… I'm scared Merlin." I put my arms around her.

"I know. I can't promise you it's going to be easy, because it won't be." I sat with her for

a large portion of the night, soothing her and explaining what it is to have magic, the joys and

sacrifices that must be made.

"Maybe you should take tomorrow off to Leala. I don't think you've got enough control

over your powers yet, and the concussion isn't completely gone. I'll do your work for you, don't

worry."

"Thank you so much."

"No problem. I'll stop by afterwards, but for now I should probably get going." After a

short goodbye, I made my way back to Gaius's. He was already asleep, so I just went to my

chambers and went to sleep.

Leala had a lot more duties that day then the one before. "_Meeeeerlin!" _Arthur called.

"Coming!" I pushed aside the sponge and bucket and ran to his room.

"Where have you been?!" He demanded.

"Er… I'm helping out a friend. They're not well."

"And how exactly are you helping them?"

"Just… doing what they would normally do until they're better."

"I see… this wouldn't happen to be a lady friend, would it?"

"Well, um… I-" Arthur began to laugh.

"You're sucking up to a _girl_! To be honest, Merlin, I didn't think you had it in you."

"No… well, you see, it's kind of my fault she's not able to work, and I, um-"

"What on earth did you do?" I explained to him about the water and her falling.

"Merlin! I really need to teach you a thing or two about women. Lesson one: Do not be the

cause of her head wound."

"Oh, shut up."

"Well, get to work. This room needs to be cleaned."

"Of course, I'll get right on it." Arthur made fun of me as I ran place to place around the

castle, trying to complete the workload, as he gave me more and more things to do.

Hours later, I finally finished. It was later than usual, and I was exhausted. However, I

had promised Leala I would go and see her. Arriving at her house, I found her asleep, so I

decided to let her do so, and left. Gaius gave me my dinner, not forgetting to ask about Leala.

"How would I know?"

"I thought you went to see her."

"Why would you think that?"

"You're awfully late."

"I was busy, I was doing her work today too. She wasn't ready to come back to work

yet."

"And how did you know that?" I sighed. He had won. "So how is she, anyhow?"

"She was sleeping when I went over tonight."

"Was something wrong yesterday? Did the headache potion work well?"

"She was fine, just… tired."

"Merlin, you are the worst of liars. Come now, give me the truth." I froze, uncertain.

Then again, this was Gaius.

"She… er-she um…"

"Spit it out!"

"She has magic, Gaius!" He fell silent for several moments, processing the information.

"I figure the concussion triggered it."

"I see. Yes, that's quite possible, all things considered."

"What do you mean?"

"Often times, those that possess magic lose control during periods of weakness. If she

hadn't discovered her gift, then it would have been a shock to her when things started

happening that she couldn't explain. With her emotions unstable like that, she's lucky you

arrived, she could've ended up being killed by some random object."

I was at a loss for words. Gaius spoke again. "Does she know your secret?" I nodded,

explaining before he could answer about having to stop the pot flying towards my head. Finally,

he accepted it, and we went to sleep.

**Author's Note: Please review! Constructive criticism is welcome!**


	3. Innocence

In the morning, I went down to the kitchens to fetch Arthur's breakfast. It happened

that Leala was the one to hand me the plates. "Merlin." She smiled up at me.

"Hey, how's your head?"

"Much better." However, the words coming from our mouth were only

a cover for the conversation held with the recognition in our eyes. We knew. We had a secret,

the world's greatest secret and it was ours to share. I leaned close to her to whisper.

"Meet me on the east side of the lake at noon." She looked up at me excitedly and

nodded.

In Arthur's chambers, I hustled to do everything that needed to be done. "What's the

big rush?" He asked me. "Isn't your lady friend well yet?"

"Her name is Leala. And yes, she's fine now."

"Then what's your problem?"

"Nothing. Just, working." Arthur watched him suspiciously. An hour later, Merlin came

and stood in front of him. "I've finished the morning's duties, Arthur."

"Everything?"

"Yes." Arthur quickly spout off the list of chores, all of which Merlin replied affirmatively

to being completed.

"Wow Merlin, you're actually acting like a proper servant." Merlin continued to stand in

front of him. "Well, what do you want?"

"Well, actually… I was wondering if maybe… I could go out for the afternoon. Since… I've

finished. I'd be back to get your dinner and polish your armor and fix you a bath and anything

else. I'll even stay late, please."

"And what for?"

"I just want to go out for a bit."

"You wouldn't happen to be going with that Leala girl, would you?" I stayed quiet,

looking up at him. "You are!" I must say, Merlin, I'm impressed with you. If only for that, I'll let

you go, just this once. Just don't get lazy and make sure you're back in time to bring me my

dinner." I couldn't help but let a wide grin spread across my face.

"Thank you!"

"Just don't screw it up!"

"I won't!" I yelled as I left his room.

I didn't take my horse, since it was only a short walk. She was already there, staring into

the water. Hearing me approach, she turned to face me. "Merlin!" She smiled, standing up and

smoothing out her dress.

"Hey! How are you doing? You were already asleep when I went by yesterday."

"Much better. It's all just so crazy, you know? Being able to do that stuff…"

"I know. It must be a shock to you."

"How long have you had it?"

"As far back as I can remember."

"Wow, I don't even know how to use it yet." I smiled at her.

"You'll get the hang of it. Here, try this." I came up behind her and slid my hands under

her arms to grab her hands and put them in the right position. "Say 'aris clamenta'" I

whispered. She did so, and her eyes flashed with magic. To her delight, a single red rose popped

up from the ground. I went over and pulled it up, giving it to her with a flourish of my hand.

"My lady…" I took a few steps back. It was just my luck to have been a few steps away from the

lake. My foot slipped, and I fell into the water. Leala burst out laughing and jumped in after me,

splashing me with her hands.

"Hey!" I swam after her, and she swiftly pulled herself out of the water, running several

feet away. It took me a few moments longer to follow suit, and soon I was chasing her around.

After several minutes, she turned around and jumped onto me. I lost my balance and fell

backwards, and both of us could not contain our laughter. After a minute or so, we found

ourselves staring at each other, eyes wide with excitement and out of breath. In the spur of the

moment, Leala leaned forward and kissed me hard. After a millisecond of shock, I returned it.

When we finally let go, we looked at each other with uncertainty.

That was when I knew I was in love with her. She must've had the same idea, because as

soon as we were standing she grabbed my face and did it again. Soon after, we realized that it

was time for both of us to return to our duties, and headed back to the castle. I held her hand

as we walked until we reached the city gates, at which I reluctantly let go to fetch Arthur's

dinner. As I made my way up to his chambers, I was giddy with delight.

I tried to keep a straight face as I came into Arthur's room, but with the way he looked

at me with expectation, I couldn't hide my smile. "So, how did it go?" He asked. "I hope I didn't

go without a servant for the afternoon just for you to mess it up."

"I-uh, think it went well."

"What exactly does that mean?"

"She… kissed me." Arthur stood up and smacked his shoulder.

"Impressive! I didn't think any girl could ever love that face! I mean _come on, _just look at

it!"

"Oh, shut up!"

"Well, maybe if I had a mouthful of food!" He said, looking at the plate in my hands.

"Right." I set it down in front of him.

That afternoon, it was hard to hide my excitement from Gaius. I didn't explain, but I

think he knew why I was acting that way. I could hardly wait for the next day so I could see her

again.

**Author's note: Please review! I love reading your input!**


	4. Weakness

Gwen was the first person I saw that morning. She smiled. "Hey, I heard you've

found yourself a girl, Merlin."

"Yeah, I guess."

"So, what's she like?" Her grin got wider.

"Nice… and pretty."

"Is that all?" I blushed.

"She's amazing! I've never met anyone like her!" Gwen laughed.

"Arthur and I will have to meet her one of these days. Well, I should get going."

"Right." It wasn't long until I saw Leala again.

I ran up to her in the hallway as she carried a basket of laundry down to wash, which

I obviously offered to help with. I couldn't help but notice she wasn't quite like herself, speaking

slowly and tiredly. It seemed as if she could hardly keep her eyes open.

The next several days went by like that, and I figured her workload was just weighing

down on her. However, on that day, I noticed her face was as pale as the ash in the fireplace,

and her cheeks were developing the slightest flush. I tried to overlook it, convincing myself I

was overreacting.

As we walked down to the kitchens, going to fetch Arthur's breakfast, she began to lean

heavily against the wall. Her steps became uneven, and before I could comprehend, she was

sliding down the stone. I quickly wrapped my arm around her waist to help her stay standing. "I

got you." I muttered, and she leaned into me. "What's wrong?" She just shook her head.

"We're going to Gaius."

"I'm-I'm alright." She said, despite the fact she couldn't stand on her own.

"Just tell me what's wrong."

"I-I don't know."

"Okay, you're going to be fine. Gaius will know." We went slowly, with me holding her

up by the hip the entire time. At the door, I shouted for Gaius, who came quickly and opened

the door. The sight of us put him off a bit, but he was able to swiftly assess the situation.

"Put her on the bed, Merlin." She sat down on the edge, gripping the sheets.

"Do you want to lie down?" I asked. She shook her head no.

"Leala, I need you to tell me what you are feeling, so I can help you." Gaius said

smoothly.

"It's hard to explain. I feel... weak. And, dizzy. I don't know. It's… different."

"It seems like exhaustion to me, maybe dehydration. Have you been eating well?"

"I believe so."

"How long have you been feeling unwell?"

"Perhaps a week, maybe less. I'm sure it's nothing."

"A week's a long time when it comes to your health. Why didn't you come to me?"

"I didn't want to bother you."

"Nonsense. Anyway, the first thing I want you to do is get some rest, understood?"

"I couldn't possibly take another day off."

"It is my order, young lady. I'm sure Merlin would be happy to do your duties for you." I

nodded.

"But Merlin, it's so much-"

"Not to worry. I just want you to get better, okay?"

"And Leala, if you're not well by the day after tomorrow, please let Merlin know, and

he'll tell me. Alright?" Gaius cut in.

"Yes Sir."

"Take her home now Merlin, make sure she gets straight to bed."

"Alright." She put her arm around me and I did likewise to her. Her knees wobbled, but

in the end we made it to her house just fine. I made her lie in her bed while I poured her a cup

of water, then left. I would need as much sleep as possible for the work that was coming

tomorrow.

**Author's note: If you like this story, review! If you don't, review anyway! I do my best to answer all of my reviews.**


	5. Fire

**Author's note: Sorry it's been so long since I've updated! I keep forgetting to post! . Thanks for sticking with this story!**

"Merlin, don't tell me you've gone and gotten yourself more work again."

"Well, you see-"

"Don't tell me it's this girl again."

"She's unwell."

Arthur rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Just make sure all of your work gets done."

"Of course."

When Leala hadn't come back to work for a few more days, I went to see her. She was in

bed, eyes slightly open as she stared at the ceiling. "Leala?" She inhaled sharply and gave out a

weak cough, sputtering my name. I was by her bedside in an instant. "What's wrong?!"

"My head, Merlin…" She cried. "My head!"

"Shhh shhh, it's alright. Calm down, I'm here." I brushed the hair out of her face, and

could feel heat radiating off of her skin. Trying to keep calm for her sake, I rested my hand on

her forehead. "You're running a fever. I'm going to go get Gaius." I turned to leave, but she

reached her hand out from beneath her blankets and grabbed my wrist.

"Don't leave me, please." She pleaded, eyes brimming with tears.

"I'll be right back, I promise."

"No, please." I sighed, looking at her with concern.

Even though it wasn't very cold outside, I bundled her up tight in a blanket before lifting

her. I am not the strongest of men, so I admit, it was difficult for me. Nonetheless, I mustered

up as much strength as I could and made it to Gaius's. I couldn't tell if Leala was sleeping or

unconscious, but I hoped it was the first. When I reached the door, I said an incantation to open

it, and brought her inside.

"What's going on?" Gaius asked, making the patient bed ready for her.

"She's gotten a lot worse. She's got a fever, it feels bad." Gaius nodded as he examined

Leala. He put a thermometer in her mouth and waited. When he finally looked at it, his

expression changed.

"Merlin, bring me the blue potion on the shelf to your right." I did so, and he poured it

down her throat. "Can you speak, Leala?" He asked.

"Yes." Her voice was small and ridden with pain.

"What hurts, Leala? What do you feel?" She swallowed before answering.

"My head… feels like… something's trying to force its way out of my skull. It burns…"

She clenched her eyes shut.

"Burns?"

"I'm on fire, Gaius. I can feel the flames and it burns… and there is no escape." She

began to sob, so I put her hand in mine and she squeezed back. After a moment of intense

thought, Gaius looked at me. I could feel the gears in his head turning.

"Merlin, you have to go back to work. I'll take care of her, don't worry."

"Thank you Gaius." He nodded, and I regretfully let go of Leala's hand to leave.

I prepared Arthur a bath quickly, then went down to get his dinner. As I set the plate in

front of him, he struck a conversation.

"You're awfully quiet, Merlin. It's… unusual."

"Um… sorry?"

"Is something on your mind?"

"No sir, everything's fine."

"Stop lying, Merlin, it doesn't suit you. What's wrong with you?" I told him about Leala's

illness. "I'm sure it's nothing to worry about, and she's in the care of Gaius, the best physician in

all of Camelot." He assured me, with an added punch to the shoulder.

"Yeah, I guess you're right." I answered, rubbing my shoulder.

"Go ahead and go. I won't need you anymore tonight."

"Really?"

"Don't make me change my mind, Merlin." He warned.

"Thanks!" I left without another word, Arthur shaking his head and smiling.

Gaius was sitting at desk, deep in thought when I returned. "You're home earlier than I

expected." I had run there, so in my breathlessness, I looked over at Leala who was asleep. "Her

condition hasn't changed." He told me, rubbing sleep from his eyes.

"I can watch her now, Gaius. I'll wake you if she gets any worse."

"Alright." I watched over Leala, wrapping my fingers in hers as she struggled against

whatever ailed her. I could see her pained expression in the candlelight, and it killed me.

I had begun to nod off when her fever spiked. She woke up several times, completely

incoherent. I called for Gaius, who came quickly and tried to lower her temperature. Finally, he

turned to me. "If we can't lower this soon, she'll have permanent brain damage, Merlin. You

have to use magic." I nodded to him and held my hand against Leala's forehead, closing my

eyes to mutter "Deyoh re etunay." There was a spark of energy that forced me to pull my

hand back. I moved forward to try again, but Gaius held out a hand to stop me. He was staring

at Leala, putting together pieces of the puzzle in his head. He turned to me.

"Go to sleep, Merlin. You've got work tomorrow. I need to keep her under my watch for

now."

"What is it? What's wrong with her?"

"Just go to bed." No matter how much I tried to get the truth out of him, he wouldn't

yield. Eventually, I gave up and went to my bedroom.

Gaius didn't give me any answers in the morning, either. He was flipping through his

books, without even so much as looking up at me. I brought Arthur his breakfast, the same as

every morning. He looked up at me expectantly.

"So? How's your girlfriend?" I ignored the end of the comment for the moment.

"I don't know. Gaius won't tell me anything." The annoyance in my voice masked the

concern.

"I'm sure he's got a good reason for it. If she were in immediate danger, he'd let you

know. She'll be fine, Merlin."

"Yeah, you're right." I shrugged, and kept going about my daily business. I was surprised

when Gaius ran up to me in the hallway.

"Merlin!" He called. I went to meet him.

"What's wrong?" I asked him, immediately thinking the worst.

"You need to come with me, now."

"Okay." I dropped what I was doing and we quickly went back to the chambers. Leala

was in the bed, eyes open slightly. She tilted her head towards us as she entered. "Hey, Leala." I

said softly, taking a step towards her.

"Wait, I need to talk to you first." Gaius called, gesturing to my bedroom door. I went in before him, and he closed the door behind us.


	6. Temptaion

"What is it?"

"I know what's wrong with her, Merlin." I kept staring at him expectantly, and he

nodded. "It's the magic."

"What?"

"Some people, on very rare occasions, are not strong enough, whether it be their body

or their soul, are in some way not strong enough to have magic, even if they are born with it."

"What are you saying?" I was growing increasingly nervous.

"Leala is one of those people. I don't know which part of her isn't strong enough. All I

can do is keep watching her for the more advanced as she gets worse, and then try to

strengthen it."

I asked the question that had been on my mind. "What if it doesn't work? What

happens to her?" Gaius swallowed.

"Merlin, the magic is tearing her apart. She'll die." My heart dropped.

"We can't let that happen. She has to live."

"I know, I know. And I will do everything I can to make sure that happens."

"Thank you, Gaius." We went back out  
to the room she was in and I sat down next to

her. Even with Gaius's reassuring, I knew that there was only a slight chance of her salvation.

She looked at me, eyes pleading for help that I could not give, not yet.

"I'm scared, Merlin." I took her hand and squeezed it.

"I know. You're gonna be okay, I promise."

"It's bad, isn't it? Gaius wouldn't have made you go." I didn't bother to answer, because

she already knew. I just held her hand tighter. "You need to go back to work, Merlin."

"No, I can stay, it's alright." She shook her head.

"Go. Then you'll have more time to stay with me when I really need you." After a

moment, I nodded and stood to leave. "I love you, Merlin." She whispered, almost uncertain of

herself. I cupped her cheek in my hand.

"I love you too, Leala." And I meant it. I loved her with all my soul, she made me feel like

none had before, and I needed her. "I'm not gonna let anything happen to you."

"I know." I left and went back to Arthur with a heavy heart.

"Where have you been?! I need my armor polished, now! Get to it!"

"Yes Sir." I got to work, not noticing Arthur staring at me. He stepped closer with a sigh.

"What's going on, Merlin? Did something happen?"

"No Sir." I polished faster. He came up with a straight face and pushed my shoulder,

causing me to involuntarily tip sideways. I couldn't stifle my laugh, and neither could he. I

kicked his leg and he fell sideways, looking at me with mock anger and tackling me as I

began to stand up. We laughed, and for a little while I forgot about the terrible circumstance of

the woman I loved.

Arthur and I sat on the floor now, and again I could feel him staring at me. Finally, he

spoke. "So, how's Leala? Is that what this was about? Not that, you know, I _care _or anything,

but I dislike it when my servants mope around."

"She's bad, Arthur." There was a silence as he waited for me to go on. I pinched the

bridge of my nose, because I am a man, and men _never _cry. "She's dying, and Gaius doesn't

know if he can save her." The crack in my voice gave me away. Arthur sighed in understanding,

putting a hand on my shoulder.

"Gaius will pull through with something, he always does." I nodded, though I didn't

quite believe it.

"Well, I'd better finish your armor." I said, walking back over to it as he nodded.

She was asleep when I went home, and I looked to Gaius for any sign of answers. He

shook his head sadly. "She's advanced quickly in the stages, Merlin. Too quickly. I know which it

is now."

"Really? What is it?!" Gaius sighed.

"Both. It's both. Her body and her soul are both too weak."

"What does that mean?" He looked down at his desk. "Answer me!" I demanded. Gaius

looked up at me with such pain and sorrow in his eyes and it felt as if a rock had gone straight

through my chest.

"In order to strengthen her soul, her body must be strong, and to strengthen her body,

her soul must be strong. I don't think I can save her. She's fading fast, Merlin, and I don't know

how to save her."

"I'll use magic, it'll work, just let me try-"

"Magic is what's killing her! Why do you think I made you stop last time?! It made her

worse! Any more magical interference could have caused her death instantly!" I stayed quiet,

contemplating his words. It was so much. I wanted-no, _needed_-her to get better, yet I could

have caused her death.

I left. As soon as I was out the door, I ran. There was one place I knew I could go, I had to

think, and I had to be alone. I made my way up the steps, knowing it would be worth it. I

emerged at the top of the watchtower, welcomed by the sheet of stars above my head. I took a

deep breath before nodding to the tower guard. He knew me, I'd gone up almost a year before,

when I just needed a break to be alone and ponder my destiny, when the weight on my

shoulders became harder to carry, and no one could know how much I'd done. Last time, I'd sat

in the middle of the tower and stared up at the stars. Today, I wandered closer to the edge,

staring out at the city, all the people who were innocently asleep in their homes. It wasn't fair.

Leala should be out there, healthy and care free. She deserved it, more than some of the

ungrateful, arrogant people who had that privilege.

I hadn't realized I'd let my tears fall. I needed Leala. Most of all, I needed her to live. I let

out a cry of frustration, punching my hand into the rock. I took a deep breath,

looking at my hands. The one I'd hit the rock on was bloody and already bruising. It hurt, but I

didn't care. I punched again, angry at the world, but mostly, angry at myself. I brought my

hands back in front of me. They could have killed her. I could have killed her. I punched again.

And again.

I leaned slightly over the edge of the tower, looking down. A dark thought filled my

mind. I leaned a bit farther, seeing the base of the tower. The guard took a step towards me,

but I waved him off. "It's all right, I'm not going to." I said. I began my way back down the steps

before whispering to myself, "Not yet."

I brought Arthur his breakfast the next morning, as always. My right hand throbbed

from its treatment the night before, and I pulled my sleeve down farther. My hand was bruised

a deep purple, and had scabs on the knuckles. It was extremely difficult to move it, so I did most

of my chores one-handed. Luckily for me, I got through the morning without Arthur noticing.

"We're going out today, Merlin. I want to hunt." Arthur announced.

"I'll prepare the horses."

"Good, and fetch my bow."

"Of course." I went to the stables first, because that would be more difficult. I struggled

as I attempted to saddle the horses with one hand. Arthur's horse was getting irritated at my

futile attempts, so I raised my right hand to steady it. The horse hit me with its head, and I

grabbed back my hand in pain. After a moment, I tried again.

A stable boy noticed my troubles and came over to help, eyeing my hand as he took

over. I pulled down my sleeve farther, and he didn't ask any questions. Half an hour later,

Arthur and I made our way down the steps, me carrying the bow and arrows in my left hand. It

was quite a task trying to get up onto my horse. The stable boy from before was out there,

hiding on the other side of the horse, acting like he was still packing the horse. "Hey, over

here." He whispered. I walked to his side, where he held out his interlocked hands to help me

up.

"Thank you." I muttered so Arthur wouldn't hear. He nodded and hurried away. I forced

myself to grip the reins with both hands so that I wouldn't arouse Arthur's suspicion. Even as

we tried to hunt, the pain in my hand brought my mind back to the inescapable: Leala was

dying and I couldn't save her.

**Author's Note: Please Review! :D**


	7. Friendship

**Author's Note: Didn't expect to update so soon, but there was a certain someone simply could not wait. And he knows exactly who he is. ;)**

"I see something." Arthur whispered, motioning for his bow. I handed it to him, and he

pulled it away swiftly to aim. I hadn't expected the jerk on my arm, and had to stifle my cry of

pain by biting on my lip. Arthur still heard it, though, and looked at me with an air of confusion

before turning to the animal-which happened to be a bear-and killing it.

We stood over the body of the large animal, Arthur assessing his work. After a few short

minutes he looked up at me, studying my movements. I acted like I couldn't see him as I went

to get the horses. As much as I'd wanted to, I couldn't get myself to use my hand. I tried to

make it look like I was, but it was obvious that I wasn't. Arthur walked up to me.

"Let me see your hand." He said casually.

"What?" I tried to act oblivious.

"Don't be stupid, Merlin. Show me your hand."

"Why?" I moved it farther away from him.

"There should be no problem in letting me see." He persisted.

"There's nothing wrong with it!" I took a few steps away.

"Never said there was." He took a few steps towards me, which I responded with

turning to act like I was busy. "For God's sake, Merlin, let me see!" He reached around and

grabbed my wrist, and I let out a yelp at the pain the ensued. He didn't let go. He pulled up the

sleeve against my protests, and I knew it would hurt if I tried to yank it away. He sighed upon

finally seeing the skin, bruised so badly it was almost black.

"It's not that bad." I insisted, trying to get him to let go.

"Merlin, it looks like it could fall off any second! How did this happen?!" Arthur tried to

sound more demanding then concerned.

"It's fine!" I finally got his fingers off of it and held it to my chest.

"As prince of Camelot I order you to tell me how you injured your hand."

"That's not fair."

"I know." I gave one last attempt at dodging the truth.

"I fell… And dropped a bunch of Gaius's potions on it."

"I know that Gaius doesn't know about this. It's not even bandaged. The cuts aren't

completely scabbed, they're still bleeding. He would never let you leave the house, much less

work in this condition. Now what happened?"

"I went out last night… you know, the usual-punching walls and things." Arthur took a

step back, groaning in understanding.

"You punched a wall? And this happened? How hard did you hit it, Merlin!?"

"I was angry…"

"At what?!"

"At myself!" I yelled. I began pacing. "I could've killed her! Who knows, maybe I made

her death closer! Maybe I took a year off her life! Maybe more! I don't know! And you know

what?! That's the worst part! I am tired of not knowing! I. AM. TIRED!"

"Calm down, Merlin." Arthur said smoothly.

"It's not fair! IT'S NOT FAIR!" I yelled, winding back my fist to throw out a punch at the

tree in front of me. I felt Arthur's strong hand grab my upper arm, his voice slow and steady as

he tried to calm me.

"I understand that, I understand it's not fair, alright? But you need to calm down. You

beating yourself up isn't going to change anything." However, it was all just words to me. I

yanked away from him, kicking at the air in frustration. His grip got tighter, and I could feel my

that you can find a way to save her. If you go and lose it, there's no chance she'll survive!"

The mention of her name made me stop. I fell to my knees. "Leala… I love her, Arthur."

"I know." We sat there awkwardly for about a minute.

"Um… thanks. For, you know…"

"Don't mention it. Anyway, we should get back. This is a fine hunt!" Arthur bragged

about how great he was the entire time we packed the bags and mounted the horses. I smiled. I

was grateful for the fact he was such an arrogant prat.

We rode back in silence. As we approached Camelot, Arthur spoke. "It's okay, you

know." I looked at him. "To not be okay sometimes, it's okay. No one is going to blame you for

going a little crazy, especially over something like this. I don't."

"Thanks."

"No problem. We can leave our horses in front of the castle, and I'll walk with you to

Gaius, so he can take a look at that hand. I've nothing else to do for the rest of the day,

anyway."

"Arthur, it's not that bad-"

"As your prince and your master, I am ordering you seek medical attention."

"You've got to stop doing that, you know."

"When you start listening to me, I will. Now let's go."

Gaius was surprised to see Arthur with me, but quickly opened the door wider to let us

in. "Merlin's injured his hand." Arthur told him.

"Is that so? Let me see, Merlin." I groaned.

"It's not that bad." I insisted.

"I'll be the judge of that." He took it from me, slightly rougher than intended. I waited

nervously for his reaction. "Merlin! How did this happen?!"

"I-uh… I-"

"It was during the hunt," Arthur cut in. "he slipped and fell down the side of a hill and

landed on it."

"I see. Well, it's definitely broken."

"What? No, that couldn't be right, I mean-"

"Are you questioning my judgment?" Gaius asked, raising his eyebrows.

"No, never, I just-"

"Merlin, your hand is broken. Arthur, you can stay, but it won't be very interesting. I've

got to secure his hand and fingers." Arthur looked around the room, and saw Leala sitting up in

her bed, wide eyed. When he made eye contact with her, she quickly pushed herself off the bed

and lowered in a curtsy. "Leala!" Gaius said, hurrying towards her. Arthur caught her as she

tumbled towards the ground.

"Hello there." He said softly to her. "You must be Leala." She lowered her eyes to the

floor.

"My lord, I'm so sorry." She whispered, as Arthur helped her back to her bed.

"Don't be. It's alright." He lifted her chin so that she was looking at him. "You don't have

to be afraid of me. I've heard great things about you." He pulled up a chair next to her bed, as

Gaius cleaned my hand.

"It is an honor to speak to you, Sire." She said, sitting up.

"I could say the same to you. So, what ails you, Leala?" Arthur asked.

"I don't know…" She looked down, the shame evident on her face as she lied. "But I am

dying, Sire, that has been made known to me." Arthur rested a hand on her bed.

"You mustn't give up hope, Leala. I believe you will be saved. There is always hope, you

have to reach into your soul and find it. It may not be guaranteed that hope will be enough, but

nothing else can happen without it." Leala looked at him for a few long moments before

smiling.

"So it is true. You will be a just and fair king, unlike your father. I am nothing but a

servant, yet you engage me in conversation and tell me to live. I only fear that the day will

come when you are the crowned king of Camelot, and I won't be alive to see your success. I

fear that you will become the greatest ruler Camelot has ever known, and I won't be there to

see it." Her eyes welled with tears. Arthur took her hands in his.

"But you will. I know you will." She smiled at him.

"Even if I don't, I'll be content knowing the kingdom is in good hands." She was sincere.

Arthur didn't quite know what he should say.

"Thank you." He settled with, nodding to her as he stood and walked back over to

where Gaius was about to set the bones in my hand. He'd given me a potion to help the pain,

but I still knew what was coming.

"Sire, put a hand on his shoulder, will you? I want to make sure it stays still." Arthur did

so, and I could feel Leala watching. "Take a deep breath. One, Two, Three." Gaius pushed the

bone back into place, and I let out a soft yell, squeezing the arm of the chair I was in with my

good hand. "Deep breath, Merlin." Gaius instructed as he wrapped my arm in bandages.

"I should get going." Arthur said, walking towards the door.

"I'll bring you your dinner when Gaius is finished." I told him, avoiding the gaze of the

old man.

"Take the night off."

"I don't have to-"

"That's an order." His voice was laced with authority, but I knew what he was thinking.

He didn't want me to go crazy.

**Author's Note: Pleeeeeease review!**


	8. Guilt

I sat with Leala until she fell asleep, then made sure Gaius was asleep as well before

leaving. I shut the door quietly behind me, breaking into a sprint. I came out at the top of the

tower once again, nodding to the guard. He was on edge more than the day before, watching

my every move. I suppose he was recalling my reckless behavior from the night before.

"I'm not crazy." I said, my elbows on the edge of the tower, looking out once again. He

was nervous about answering, but finally did.

"I don't know that."

"You're right. Maybe I am crazy, who knows? I certainly don't. I don't know anything." I

rambled on as he joined me on the tower's edge.

"But I don't think you are. I think you're just sad." I looked at him for the first time, I

mean really looked at him. He was blonde, and had tired hazel eyes. He looked to be about

thirty, maybe thirty-five years old.

"Sometimes sadness becomes its own kind of insane." He didn't answer. "Do you know

what it's like to feel like you have to do something, but know that you can't because it's

impossible. And that you're supposed to do something else, and you know you can, but you just

don't feel strong enough. You feel like it's not worth it. What if, in the end, it doesn't become

what it's meant to? What if it's your fault?"

"I can't say I've ever felt exactly that. But it sounds like you're trying to keep too much

on your shoulders. There's only so much one person can do."

"The universe chose me to carry these burdens. There is no control over these forces

that take me. I think of so many things, every second of every day and there is no release. I

don't know how I'm going to make it far enough to complete my destiny."

"Destiny… haven't heard that word in a long time. You believe they exist?"

"Yeah. But I don't think I believe they're inescapable. I think you could still screw it up,

you know?" He nodded.

"I guess. I think that there are a lot of possible outcomes in a person's life, each based

on the possible matching of choices they make. Whether the end is good or bad depends on

the person's outlook."

"I could see that."

"So, who are you anyway?"

"Merlin, Prince Arthur's manservant and the ward of the court physician. You?"

"The name's Bryan, tower guard obviously. So, how is Arthur anyway? Do you think he'll make a good king?" I nodded.

"I know he will. He's not like Uther at all. He is just and will rule with a strong, yet fair

hand."

"How does he treat you?"

"Like a servant. Still, he cares. He's risked his life for me, and I for him. I guess, if it really

comes down to it, he's my friend." We fell into a comfortable silence for several minutes. "So," I

finally asked, "Am I crazy?" He shook his head.

"No. But you can't do it by yourself, Merlin. Don't be afraid to ask for help to those close

to you. Your eyes are sad. I want to see what they look like when you're happy. Promise me

that I'll see that someday." I think he knew I wouldn't make that promise.

"I'll be back, maybe sooner than later. Thanks, Bryan." I started down the stairs, hearing

him shout, "Goodbye, Merlin!"

The next days passed quickly, too quickly. I spent every extra minute with Leala, running

back to go to Arthur. As I drew him a bath, he turned to me. "How is Leala holding up?"

"Not well. But you wouldn't tell that by talking with her. She's strong." Arthur nodded.

"Gwen went by to meet her today, in fact she's probably still there now."

"Yes, she told me she wanted to do that."

"Well, your bath's ready." Arthur looked at him.

"How are you holding up, Merlin?"

"I'm fine." And with that, I left.

Truth be told, I was anything but fine. Looking at Leala, it was easy to see she was

getting weaker. Her eyes had dark shadows underneath them, and she was losing weight very

quickly. She couldn't hold her hands steady, let alone stand without some sort of help.

Eventually, she stopped sitting up on her own, and rarely asked for help. And it had only been

two weeks.

That night, I didn't go home after leaving Arthur. Instead, I found my way back to the

watch tower once again. Bryan didn't say a word when I came up, but I knew he was watching. I

put my elbows on the edge of the rock, trying to take deep breaths. However, my lungs had

other ideas. It felt as if I could not draw in enough air, and I desperately took in short gasps. I

could feel my heartbeat through my whole body, pounding especially in my ears. It felt like my

chest was closing in, and my eyes welled with tears in the overwhelming panic. I was shaking

and my head swam. The dizziness made me sway and I resorted to sliding to the floor, back

against the short tower wall. I pull my knees close as I shivered, still trying to get a breath. I was

afraid. Afraid of everything: of losing Leala, of losing my destiny, of losing myself. It was too

much. I had to escape. I stood and grabbed onto the stone, knuckles white.

Bryan knew. I felt his hand on my shoulder, pulling my back smoothly, but with force.

"Please…" I begged. Finally, I gave up, knowing his strength overpowered mine. I sunk to my

knees and buried my face in my hands. Bryan retreated back to his corner of the watchtower,

ready to run back to me if need be.

I laid my head down on the stone ground, mind blank. I didn't understand why the

universe chose me to carry these burdens. I felt so helpless. I couldn't save anyone, let alone

Leala. I was useless, why did I even exist?

I slowly stood up, and found I could breathe again. The pounding had resided to a light

tapping, and was soon gone. I was still shaking slightly as I went down the stairs. Though Gaius

was still up when I walked in, but I didn't meet his gaze, nor did I stop to sit with Leala, let alone

check her condition. I knew what I had been ready to do. I couldn't explain the feelings I'd had

on the tower, and I was afraid they'd come again.

Gaius could I was acting strangely, but I didn't care. I didn't care about much about

anything at the moment. I shuffled into my room and threw myself onto my bed, but didn't

sleep. It could have been over. Where would I be? Would I have gone instantly, or would I be

lying there, mangled on the cobblestone for minutes after? Who would have come to tell

Gaius? What about Arthur? How would they have reacted? And most importantly, what would

their life had been like a year from today?

My mind wandered to Leala. She didn't need me. She needed someone who could save

her. My magic was useless, not to mention deadly to her. It was my fault her magic had been

released, my fault she was dying. Had I watched where I was going and not caused her a

concussion, she'd still be living her normal life. She still be _living. _Honestly, could you call what

she was doing now living? And it was my fault. I tossed and turned, unable to force myself to

sleep.

I heard my door open a few hours later, as I was still lost in my thoughts and horrid

imagination. I looked up to see that it was Gaius, hesitantly approaching my bedside holding a

small bottle with a blue potion in it. "Are you feeling well?" He asked me as I sat up.

"Of course." My voice had a sharp, quick edge on it, though I hadn't intended it to.

"I heard you still moving. Take this, it'll help you sleep." I looked longingly at the bottle

in his hand, and he passed it to me. I knew I should tell him about the feelings and symptoms I

had on the tower, but I didn't. I felt like it was another secret I had to keep.

"Thank you, Gaius." He sat on the edge of my bed.

"How are you doing Merlin? Did something happen today?" I could see in his eyes that

he wanted the truth, but I couldn't give it to him. Still, I could give him part of it.

"It's hard, Gaius. I'm scared." He put a hand on my shoulder.

"I know. I'm trying Merlin, I am. There's still a chance she could live. I promise I'll do

whatever I can."

"I know you will." I rubbed at the sudden headache over my left eye.

"Are you sure you're alright? If you're head hurts I could give you something…"

"No, I'm fine Gaius. Your potion's starting to work."

"Lay down, then. I'll wake you up for work in the morning." I nodded and did so as he

left. He hadn't given me a very strong draught, so I was awake for another ten minutes before

finally drifting off.

**Author's note: Please Review!**


	9. Suspicion

"Merlin. Merlin, wake up. You've got to get ready." Gaius woke me. It felt as if it had

been mere minutes since he'd walked out. I groaned. "How are you feeling?" He asked,

obviously concerned.

"I'm alright, just tired Gaius. You don't have to worry." I stood and got dressed as he

went to prepare breakfast. I didn't feel much like eating, but knew that if I didn't Gaius would

be even more worried, and he didn't deserve that. So, I forced down half of it before standing

to leave. "Thanks, Gaius. See you later."

I went to Gaius's chambers as normal, opening his curtains to wake him. He rolled out of

bed and I got his clothes to dress him before going to fetch his breakfast. When I came back,

Arthur was reading a sheet of parchment, utterly serious. When he looked up at me, I thought

his eyes held a questioning gaze, yet it quickly passed as he folded up the paper and stuffed

it beneath other papers on his desk.

"Ah, Merlin, finally! Took you long enough." He sat down, a little too cheerfully for his meal. "How was your night?" He asked him.

"You never ask me that." I said, honestly surprised.

"Well, I am today. How was your night?"

"…Normal." Arthur nodded and took a bite into his bread.

"How did you sleep?"

"What? Arthur, what's going on?"

"Nothing! Why must something be going on for me to wish to engage my manservant in

Conversation?" I shook my head before answering.

"I slept well, Sire." Arthur didn't respond for several seconds.

"Good, good. Anyways, I need you to suit me up in my armor. Knight training today. I

won't be needing you again until lunchtime."

"Yes, Sire." It wasn't long until he had left the room. Curiosity consumed me, and I

wandered to his desk, making sure to have a cloth in my hand in case someone walked in. I

reached into the pile of papers and found the one he had been reading, and carefully unfolded

it.

_Sire, _

_ I must ask that you go easy on Merlin, and I don't mean the workload. He is physically _

_capable. I merely ask that you try not to scold him too much. I fear he is taking Leala's illness _

_harder than we know. It is affecting his sleep, and perhaps his personality as well. I cannot be _

_for sure, but until I can watch him further, I wish you would take this precaution for me, and for _

_him._

_ Gaius_

I set it back exactly the way I'd found it. I really was useless. I was causing everyone

more trouble than I'm worth. I walked back to Gaius's, where I sat with Leala. Her eyes were

unfocused, and I could tell it hurt her to talk. So, I just sat with her, holding her hand as she

drifted into sleep. Gaius would look up and watch us every so often.

An hour later, Leala's eyes popped open, gasping in pain and crying out. Tears streamed

down her thin cheeks as she reached out and grabbed onto me. "Merlin!" She forced herself up

and threw her arms around my neck. "I heard… a dragon. He spoke to me… about you." Gaius

was quickly next to us, and I helped her lie back down.

"What did he say?" I asked her. She closed her eyes.

"I can still hear him. His voice is so powerful, he's saying 'In a land of myth, and a time of

magic, the destiny of a great kingdom rests on the shoulders of a young boy. His name, Merlin."

As the words poured out of her mouth, I felt like I was being trapped. Not just in the room, but

in my life. And so it started again. I opened my mouth, desperate for air that wouldn't come. I

couldn't fill my lungs. As the heartbeat crept its way to the rest of my body, I ran, yelling for

Gaius not to follow me.

I turned sharply, just in case he decided he did want to follow. Sure enough, I heard his

footsteps rush past, then falter, then walk back home. I pushed my feet out in the dirt as I sat at

the bottom of the looming wall. I felt like it would fall on me and crush me. Part of me wanted

it to. Most of me panicked and desperately searched for escape. I let out a frustrated yell

through clenched teeth before running again. _I'm going crazy… I'm going crazy! _I stopped,

trying to get a deep breath, but failing once again. It felt like there was something putting

pressure on my chest.

"Merlin?" A soft, surprised voice called. I turned to see Gwen, concerned about my

demeanor and breathing patterns, not to mention the color had drained out of my face

completely. My face showed an expression of shock and horror as I broke into a sprint, not

wanting her to know my secret. Tears came horizontally out of my eyes. I could hear her pull off her shoes and bolt after me.

Despite my desperation, it was impossible to keep going on willpower. I succumbed to

the vertigo when the ground seemingly tilted beneath me. I was thrown to the ground, and

quickly wiped my tears before Gwen ran up next to me. I still couldn't steady my breathing.

"Merlin! What's wrong?! What do you need?! I'll go get Gaius-"

"No." I croaked, grabbing the hem of her dress as she stood. She immediately knelt by

my side.

"What can I do?" I just shook my head, pulling myself up and moving out of everyone's

way. She led me to the wall and made me sit. I clenched my hands into fists, making another

attempt at fixing my breathing as I closed my eyes. "Is it your chest?" Gwen asked tentatively. I

just waved my hand.

" 'm fine. Don't… don't tell Gaius." In the silence that followed as my breathing and

heart rate returned to normal, Gwen sat down next to me. When I finally had a hold of myself,

she spoke.

"Are you ill?"

"I don't know, I don't know anything, I-I just don't know-"

"Merlin!" She interrupted. "Calm down." I nodded, forcing myself to take a deep breath.

"Good. Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really." She responded with a nod, and we just sat there in comfortable silence as I

regained my composure. Finally, she stood, putting her shoes back on.

"Morgana will be looking for me, I still haven't gotten the fruit she'd asked for." She

explained. I stood up.

"I've got to serve Arthur his lunch." As we headed on different directions, she turned

back once more and called to me.

"Merlin!"

"Yeah?"

"Don't forget to take care of yourself." I nodded and made my way to the castle. By the

time I was handing Arthur his platter, I was completely composed. I smiled brightly at him,

trying to prove I was alright after what Gaius sent him this morning.


	10. Freedom

I managed to get through the rest of the day without a further suspicion, and towards

the end he even started insulting me again. When he dismissed me, I made the way to the

tower again, not ready to face Gaius. Bryan eyed my nervously when I climbed the stairs. I

didn't look at him, just returning to my usual position.

I stayed there for hours, hoping that by the time I got beck Gaius would be asleep.

When I finally tiptoed into the room, I saw him seated in a chair by the door and froze. It wasn't

until I realized that his head lolled to the side that I knew he was asleep. He must have been

waiting for me to return. I imagined him struggling against sleep so that he could talk to me,

and it was too much. I wasn't worth it.

I didn't want to wake him up, so I just grabbed a blanket and tucked it around him. He

stirred slightly, but didn't open his eyes. I softly walked to my room, sitting up for hours

thinking about the failure that was me. Around 4 in the morning, I heard my door creak open. I

could tell Gaius was surprised to see me awake.

"Merlin, are you okay? You didn't come home, I was worried." He came closer. I looked

at him, desperate for help I didn't know if he could give.

"Gaius." My voice cracked as the lump in my throat grew bigger. I buried my face in his

shoulder, and he put my arms around me. I tried not to cry, but I did. Even though I

didn't make a sound, he felt the moisture on his shirt.

"Oh, Merlin." Gaius sighed, rubbing circles on my back. After a short while I sat up,

quickly wiping my eyes on my sleeve.

"I'm sorry, I really am. I'm sorry."

"Whatever for?" The old man's voice held the tone of a father, which reminded me of

Balinor. Another person I'd brought pain to. I'd gotten him killed. It was my fault. I was a failure.

I deserved to…

"Gaius!" I cried out, not letting my mind finish. I grabbed at my head, then let go and

stared at my hands.

"Merlin, what is it? What's wrong? I want to help you. Please, let me help you!"

"Gaius, I don't know. It's like, there are these times, when I can't concentrate on

anything but raw fear. And it feels like I'm dying. Then I can't breathe and I can feel my

heartbeat through my whole body, racing. And it's just… it's just too much." I could hear him

sigh.

"I'm going to give you something to sleep, and tomorrow we can talk more about this.

I'll tell Arthur you won't be going in, at least for the morning."

"No! He'd be furious!"

"Not if I tell him that I am requiring you to do it."

"But, I mean-"

"This is important and as your guardian and physician I am forcing you to at least stay

home a little later than usual. I believe you are suffering from anxiety attacks, and they should

not be overlooked." I shrugged, and he left to get the sleeping draught. He made sure I drank it

all before he left the room. It was much stronger than before, and I was out within a minute.

I didn't wake until around noon, at which time I got dressed with haste and made to

dash for the door. Gaius stopped me. "Food, Merlin."

"Do I have to?" He nodded, so I sat down at the small table. I bit into an apple as he

spoke.

"I informed Arthur you would be taking a short absence. If I decide you're not fit to work

this afternoon and evening than you won't."

"That's not fair!"

"Merlin, you complain about the workload constantly, yet when you finally get a day off,

you refuse it. You need a little time to recuperate. I'm sure the past couple days have been

rough." In all honesty, I felt like I needed the work. I needed to busy my hands.

"Please Gaius." The old physician sighed.

"Go then. If you have another attack, make sure you come back here. Alright?"

"Of course. Thank you." I could tell he was uneasy about letting me go. I hurried to the

Castle, wanting to get there in time to serve Arthur lunch. On my way up, I saw a servant boy

carrying his tray.

"I'm his manservant. Give it to me, I'm resuming my duties."

"The prince isn't expecting you until tomorrow, you could use the time to your

advantage."

"No, I want to get back to work, thank you." I took the food from him and finished the

way to Arthur's chambers. I slowly creaked open his door, smiling as I brought the tray.

"Ah, Merlin! Thank goodness you're here! That servant boy they sent me was so

_boring_."

"Well I couldn't let you go an entire day without an insult, you prat." Arthur nodded and

looked me up and down.

"Gaius said you weren't well." He said, his gaze holding a questioning stare.

"I'm fine, I just couldn't get to sleep last night. He gave me a draught and didn't wake

me up for work in the morning, that's all."

"Hm, alright." I busied myself with the chores that the servant boy had failed to do (or

do properly).

The days went by, and I went to the tower every night after Leala fell asleep. I would

look out over Camelot, apologizing for my existence for hours on end. I longingly looked at the

ground below, wondering what would happen if I just slipped. Each day I fought off the feelings,

and Gaius kept a closer eye on me. Of course, the attacks came back time and time again, but I

didn't want to bother my guardian with such trivial matters, when he could be caring for Leala,

or even himself. So, I acted like I was getting better.

I held Leala's hand as she drifted off one night. She couldn't do much anymore, but

Gaius entertained her as much as he could during the day. We didn't know how much longer

she could last. Suddenly, Leala began shaking, eyes popping open in pain as tears found their

way down her cheeks. I squeezed her hand tighter as Gaius came quickly and desperately tried

to bring down her fever, which had spiked to brain-damaging level. If he couldn't stop it soon,

she'd be done for.

"Please, Leala, hang on! Please!" I begged her. I felt her clench her fingers around mine

tighter. "I love you, Leala, and I need you here. Don't leave me, please. I love you so much." I

was on the verge of sobbing, my heart racing frantically as I pleaded with the girl to live.

"Merlin!" Gaius yelled. "Your hand! Take it away, now!" I looked down to see golden

light emanating from between our palms, and quickly ripped my hand away. Within fifteen

seconds, she stopped shaking and was lying still. Gaius breathed a sigh of relief as her fever

went down to a relatively less dangerous level. I stood several feet away, immobilized in shock

and gripping the hand that had been holding hers. I would have held tight to her until she took

her last breath. I would have killed her.

I shook my head and walked swiftly out the door without saying a word to Gaius. It hurt

too much. He didn't follow me, he was probably angry at me as much as I was at myself. Hot

tears burned at my eyes as I stumbled to the tower once more. I couldn't take it anymore.

I felt weight pressing against my chest, causing me to suffocate. The trek up the stairs

was the longest of my life, and not just because I kept tripping over the steps. Bryan didn't

acknowledge me until I stumbled and fell onto the floor in front of him. He'd seen me have the

attacks plenty of times before, but still came over to help me. I waved him off and stood on

shaky legs as he retreated to the opposite corner of the tower. "This is it then…" I muttered

under my breath. I wasn't doing this for myself, I was doing it for the universe. Someone else

could fulfill my destiny. Maybe even Leala. Maybe Gaius would save her, and she'd take over

my destiny. I stood by the tower wall for a long time, closing my eyes and taking in the slight

Camelot breeze.

_"Merlin." _A soft voice called. However, it wasn't out loud. It was in my head.

_"Kilgarrah?" _I answered.

_"Young warlock, you must think. Your actions tonight could bring Camelot to its knees in _

_the future."_

_"It's not fair."_

_ "And neither will Camelot's suffering be."_

_ "Someone else can complete my destiny."_

_ "Perhaps. Perhaps not. But you were chosen."_

_ "I can't Kilgarrah. They don't need me. I've failed. I've failed everyone. I've failed you. I'm _

_sorry Kilgarrah. For everything. For this." _I pulled myself up over the edge of the tower and

stood, holding my arms out.

The brief couple of seconds I stood there felt like an eternity. I stood on my toes, closing

my eyes and leaning forward. _"Merlin, NO!" _Kilgarrah's voice yelled with a ferocity that was

beyond compare. It was going to be over so soon. My foot lifted off of the stone...


	11. Revealed

I felt strong arms wrap around my middle and pull me back to solid ground. I let out a

cry, struggling against them. I found myself being pinned down by my wrists. Bryan stared down

at me. "Bryan… please." I begged, still fighting him.

"No." When I finally stopped trying to push him off of me, he let go.

"I want to die, Bryan. Just let me die." He didn't answer.

"Get help, please. You aren't alone. You are needed by a lot of people. I don't

understand why you want to go so badly."

"It's for the greater good." I couldn't get myself to look him in the eye. He

grabbed my shoulders.

"I want you to go home, Merlin. Get some rest. You're gonna be okay. Just don't

do anything crazy, alright? God, Merlin…" He ran his fingers through his hair. "Promise me I'll

see you again." I shook my head.

"I can't promise you that."

"Of course you can. Just say it, please." I stared at him for a long time.

"I promise." He let out the breath he had been holding.

"Thank you. Now go home, be with your guardian. I can't make you tell him what's

happened but I think you should. I don't even know who he is." I didn't answer Bryan, but I

went down the steps. I wandered aimlessly for another hour before I finally found myself at

Gaius's doorstep. I knocked, too nervous to go in without being invited. He might still be mad at

me. He should be, after all, I'd almost killed Leala. I was still mad at me.

He opened the door, relief flooding him at the sight of me. "Oh thank goodness." He

held open the door for me to come in. Instead, I ran into him, putting my arms around him in a

hug. It could've been a guard standing at his doorstep, telling him that his ward was dead. And

not just dead, but suicide. I imagined his face, contorted in horror, guilt, and pain at the

realization, and it made me sob harder.

"Merlin, it's not your fault." Gaius said, trying to reassure me. "She's doing much better

now." I didn't want to explain that that was not the biggest problem, so I just held tighter to

him. He was my lifeline at the moment.

He led me inside, both of us careful not to wake Leala. Gaius sat with me on my bed for

a long time, before asking if I wanted a sleeping potion. I nodded, wanting to sleep. Maybe if I

was lucky, I wouldn't wake up. _"Merlin, you are very lucky to have your life." _Kilgarrah's voice

said in my mind.

_"I wouldn't say that."_

_ "You don't really wish for death, young warlock." _

_ "How can you be so sure?"_

_ "We have a bond. You want escape from your destiny, but you will not find it. The _

_answer is not death. You must embrace who you are."_

_ "I cannot find peace, Kilgarrah."_

_ "You are not looking in the right places. Be strong, young warlock." _He was gone, and

Gaius held out a purple potion to me, which I gratefully took a sip of. I was out within seconds.

Gaius shook me awake in the morning, offering me breakfast that I didn't accept. I felt

sick to my stomach, picturing what my tangled body would have looked like at the foot of the

tower. I kissed Leala on the forehead before leaving.

Arthur looked as if he were in a state of shock when I came to bring him breakfast. He

was already up and dressed. "Sire?"

"Just set it on the table." He was very detached, speaking to me more as a servant than

a friend.

"Is something wrong?" I asked him. He looked up at me.

"Your job is to work, not make small talk. I don't need you right now. Go." His voice

seemed disappointed.

"Yes Sire." The hurt in my voice was obvious, and I left without another word. I talked

with Gwen for a little while, and the glint in her eyes told me she suspected something was

wrong with me. Not wanting her to bring it up, I changed the subject.

"Is something wrong with Arthur? He didn't seem like himself this morning." Gwen face

quickly shifted into that of worry.

"I haven't seen him yet today. I'll go up and talk to him."

"Thanks, Gwen." I was in a sort of daze, with no requested work from Arthur.

Eventually, I settled with just sitting in one of the castle's more desolate hallways, right near a

window overlooking Camelot.

Less than an hour later, I saw someone rush out of the palace. Upon closer inspection, I

realized it was Arthur, his face no longer the hollow expression I'd seen earlier, but that of

determination. Curious, I hurried down the stairs and followed in the direction he had gone.

When he knocked on the door to Gaius's chambers, I was thoroughly confused. The

familiar old man opened the door, and Arthur shoved a letter into his hands. I peeked around

the corner just enough to make out what it read.

_Prince Arthur,_

_ For the past couple of months, I have been visited by a young man while on duty in the _

_watchtower. He shows his frustration and anger and pain. He tried to jump last night, I was only _

_just able to grab him in time. I worry that perhaps he will try again, or try something different. _

_He's hurting. His name is Merlin, your manservant, and he said you were his friend. For his sake, _

_I can only hope he was right._

_ Bryan-Night Watchtower Guard_

The muscles in my body tensed up as Gaius looked up to Arthur, and I slowly tiptoed

back several meters before turning and running. I didn't look at anyone, just kept running. An

hour later, I found myself deep in the forest with no more adrenaline to go off of. I sunk to my

knees and rested against a tree. I felt the bottle I'd swiped from Gaius heavily weigh down in

my pocket.

It wasn't poison, just the purple sleeping draught Gaius had given me the night before.

However, if I took enough of it, I'd go to sleep and I wouldn't wake up. It'd be a peaceful death.

The thought was beautiful. Everyone knew now, they knew what I'd tried to do. Going back

now would be living hell.

I downed the bottle and found myself in a deep blackness of induced sleep.


	12. Love

Little did I know, Arthur had set out to find me less than thirty minutes after I did in

search of me after someone told him I'd run in the direction of the forest. He was on his horse

and able to cover a lot of ground fast. He saw my limp body on the ground and feared the

worst, rushing to me.

"Merlin? Merlin?!" He was relieved to see my chest rise and fall, even if it wasn't quite

deep enough to his liking. He picked up the bottle that I still held in my hand and stuffed it in

my pocket before tapping my cheek. "C'mon, wake up. Come on!" He realized it was futile, and

picked me up, slinging me over the side of his horse and jumping on behind me.

"I'll never forgive you for this, Merlin…" His eyes welled up with tears that he didn't let

fall, because no man could be worth tears. "You'd better live through this, I swear." He shook

his head and made his horse go faster. The townspeople stood in silence as the prince rode

through the city gates with his dying manservant.

Gwen wailed at the sight of me, and they had to hold her back as she struggled. She got

free and ran after the horse to Gaius's chambers. My time was almost up. It could be over so

soon.

Arthur's horse began disobeying his orders, and took a sharp left turn before going up

on its back legs. Knowing he couldn't control it, Arthur grabbed onto my waist and slid off,

throwing me over his shoulder and rushing to Gaius.

When they were inside and had me in my chambers, Arthur pulled out the bottle from

his pocket, handing it to Gaius. "I found this in his hand." Gaius immediately knew what it was,

and his face paled as he fought off tears.

"No…" He came to me. "Merlin." He whispered, voice cracking from the tears.

"Gaius, you can save him, can't you?" He hung his head, reaching for my hand. "Gaius?"

The old man didn't answer, just reached forward and held onto me. Arthur understood.

Suddenly, they heard screams from outside, accompanied by a loud, low rumbling

sound. Arthur went to see what was happening, denying my impending death. A powerful force

knocked him over. He looked up to see his attacker, but no one was there. He was dealt a blow

to the face as he drew his sword. Sir Galahad stood next to him, and in an instant the man was

at his knees, yelling out in pain as he gripped his stomach.

"Sir Galahad!" Arthur knelt next to him, and forced him to pull his hands away. The man

had a stab wound in his abdomen, but there was no sign of a weapon anywhere. Arthur looked

up. Everyone was being attacked, not even children were spared. Some died where they stood,

others injured. Arthur tried to stop Sir Galahad's bleeding.

"My lord, it's too late." He choked. "Help the people. I am to die anyway."

"I'll stay here. You don't have to die, I can get help! Gai-" He stopped short, realizing

that Gaius was with me, and that I was dying. "I'm sorry, Galahad."

"It's alright, Sire. It was an honor to serve you." After about a minute, the knight lay

dead. The tormented screams of his people rang in his ears as the prince stood. He realized that

it was as if those who died were chosen. You either were brutally murdered or barely harmed.

Mothers held on to their children, trying to shield them from the terrible death. Brothers

gripped each other tight, only to have one of them killed. The horror was unimaginable, and in

the back of Arthur's mind, he knew he may never get the chance to see me alive again if he

stayed to help.

Still, he did it for his people. As I laid on the bed in my chambers, Gaius held on to me,

sobbing. He loved me, an unconditional love that no other person quite knew how to show me.

None but her. She stumbled into the room, tears in her eyes. 'W-What happened? What's

wrong with him?!" Gaius's face gave her the answer. She tripped over her own feet as she

rushed to my bedside.

"Leala." Gaius said weakly, standing to help her to the seat next to him.

"What's going on, Gaius?!"

"He won't last much longer, I'm afraid." She gasped, and that was when she heard the

screams from outside.

"What's happening out there?!"

"I don't know. Something's attacking." His voice was apathetic, caring for nothing but

the boy in front in front of him. Except, I wasn't a boy anymore. The pain and grief and

responsibility that rested on my shoulders forced me to grow up.

"They need him, don't they?" She asked.

"I fear that we are doomed without him." He said it as if he didn't care. He would rather

die than live in a world without me. At that moment, Arthur ran in and asked for Gaius's help,

and he stood and left halfheartedly. He wanted nothing more but to stay with me, certain that I

would pass in his absence.

Leala was alone with me now, stroking my hair softly and whispering that it would be

okay, even though she was close to death herself. "Please wake up, Merlin. They need you."

She sighed, knowing it wouldn't be enough. "I'm scared. But I'm going to do this because the

world needs you more than it does me. And I love you." She was talking to herself more than to

me. Had I been aware of my surroundings, I would have stopped her.

A tear streamed down her cheek as her eyes shined with magic. "I'm sorry, Merlin." She

laid her hands on my stomach and let the magic pour out of her. After several seconds, I

opened my eyes. For half a second, I was disappointed. Then, I saw Leala's face smiling down at

me with tears in her eyes. I saw her hands against her body, pushing power and life into my

veins.

"Leala, no!" I struggled against her to make her stop.

"Too late to save me now, no point in making me stop. They need you, Merlin.

Something's attacking us and Camelot needs you. I know that this will speed up my death, I

know. But if people are saved, it will be worth it. In the meantime, I feel great. I figure that once

the magic wears off it'll be over. Let's make the most of it." She leaned forward and kissed me.

"Come on, people are dying Merlin." She urged, and I quickly stood up, slightly wobbly on my

feet.

The scene outside made me sick to my stomach. Dead bodies lay strewn everywhere,

most being cradled by their loved ones. "What's doing this?!" I asked.

"No one knows. They're invisible."

"Come on, we've got to get to the castle." I took her hand and we ran. After about a

minute of running, we saw Arthur, struggling against the invisible forces. Except to me, they

weren't invisible. They were horrifyingly visible, and I knew who they were.


	13. Sacrifice

Someone had conjured the spirits of the sorcerers Uther had killed, and they were

taking their revenge on Camelot. I recognized the man who had been killed the day I'd come to

Camelot. I saw the Druid boy's father.

Next to me, Leala gasped sharply. "Do you see them?" I asked her. She nodded.

"We have to stop them!" Leala said.

"We should get to the castle, Leala. It's the center of town. I'll get Arthur." I ran forward

and gripped his arm. Leala's magic must have given me some temporary humanly strength,

because I was able to pull him away from them. His mouth hung open as he stared at me.

"Merlin?! You're alive!"

"Yeah, I noticed. Where's Gaius?" Arthur pointed, and I saw my guardian pulling an

injured woman along with her arm over his shoulder, even though she was obviously already

dead. I ran to him.

"Merlin?" He didn't believe his eyes at first.

"She's dead, Gaius." I said, motioning to the woman. He nodded sadly, lying her on the

ground.

"Please tell me you're not dead, Merlin." His hands shook and I could tell that he'd been

crying. I ran to him and wrapped my arms around his neck in a hug.

"I'm here, Gaius. It's really me. I'm so sorry I did this to you." He sighed in relief and

squeezed me tighter.

"It's alright Merlin, it's alright."

"We have to go now, Merlin!" Leala shouted. I nodded and pulled Gaius with me, who

was still in shock. I grabbed on to Leala's hand as she led Arthur. Together, we ran to the castle.

None of us were being attacked except Arthur, and I diverted them away from him, but I

couldn't kill them or send them back. My magic wasn't strong enough, and I had to make sure

Arthur couldn't see what I was doing.

The castle wasn't exactly safe, either. The spirits could still find their way in, quite easily

at that. I held on to Leala. The girl looked up at me. "I know what to do, Merlin. I know." It

surprised me.

"What?"

"Come on, quickly." She ran down the hall and up the first flight of stairs. I followed suit,

Arthur and Gaius not far behind.

"Leala, what are you doing?!" I asked her.

"Hold my hand, Emrys. My time runs short." I did as she said, both of us gripping

to each other as tightly as possible. I loved her. I couldn't let her die.

"Leala, I could give you my strength. You could live. I love you, I can't watch you go."

She stopped and turned to me, voice strained from fighting the lump in her throat.

"You would die if you did that. I would never imagine living with that on my shoulders. If

you love me at all, you will not give me that burden."

"But, I can't-"

"I have given you my choice, and ask you to respect it." I didn't answer her, just looked

at the ground to avoid her gaze as tears welled in my eyes. She put her hand on my cheek, and

one tear spilled as the lump in my throat grew bigger. "Promise me, Merlin." I wrapped my

arms around her and nodded into her shoulder.

"I promise. I love you, Leala, with all of my heart."

"And I could ask for nothing more." She smiled at me through her tears. "Better get

going then. More people are dying."

"What are you going to do?" She didn't answer, just took my hand and led the way up

the steps. When we finally reached the top level, she went out on the balcony. The three of us

followed, with me gripping her hand tightly. She was brave, braver than any of us. As I was

about to fall apart, she was standing tall to face her fate.

"It's my turn to save Camelot." She whispered, finally letting her tears fall as the cold

wind blew against her face.

The spirits came to try and attack, knowing now that all of us were against them. "Get

back!" She yelled, forcing me behind her with her palm. Her held up her hands and shouted

an long incantation that seemed to come from deep within her. Her beautiful deep green eyes

became golden and stayed that way for a long time. Her amber waves of hair softly blew

behind her. A powerful burst of magic erupted from her soul, sending the spirits back into the

ground where they belonged. She screamed painfully, a sound that tore my heart into a billion

pieces.

I saw it then, and I understood. Her body wasn't weak. Her soul wasn't weak. It was her

magic that was beyond the power of possible control. She didn't have to learn the spell to send

them back. It came from within her. She was magic itself.

All fell quiet. She fell over sideways and hit the ground, and I was by her in an instant.

"Merlin." She choked out.

"You did it. It's over. You saved everyone." She smiled, her pain evident in her eyes.

"I was pretty good, wasn't I?" She chuckled, and I nodded, biting my lip. She grabbed on

to my shirt. "I love you, Merlin." I sobbed as I held on to her.

"I love you too. I love you so much. Please, please don't leave. I can still save you."

"You promised, Merlin. You promised you wouldn't, please. I fulfilled my destiny, now

you must fulfill yours."

"You are everything to me, Leala."

"You made my time left on this earth worth living."

"Please don't go." I begged.

"I want you to be happy. It's okay to be sad for a little while, but

don't let me kill you. I know what happened, Merlin, and I never want it to happen again.

Understand? I love you and I could have never forgiven myself had you died in either of your

attempts. You are important, to Camelot and to me. I could never blame you for any of this."

"But you should. You should blame me for all of it."

"It's not your fault, Merlin. The universe marked this as my day to die since the very

beginning." I sobbed harder, clinging tighter to her as if just that in itself would keep her alive.

"I know it's not fair, sweetheart. I know. I love you, more than words can explain."

"I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too. I believe we'll meet again someday, Merlin. And I will be waiting for

you." She began to cough, and blood dripped from her mouth.

"Leala!" She squeezed my hand tighter to assure me she was still there. I held her close

to me, tears streaming down my cheeks.

"Live for me, Emrys." I leaned down and kissed her, clinging to the last shred of life left

in her body. When I pulled away, she blinked slowly and smiled, and I knew it was over. She

looked like she could have been sleeping, but I could feel her body grow colder.

"Wake up. Wake up, please! I need you!" I shouted out in my grief, holding the body of

my love close. A piece of me died with her that day, as Arthur and Gaius looked on in silence.

Gaius was grateful to the girl, for he knew what she had done for me. Arthur was in shock at the

extent of the magic she had performed.


	14. Remembrance

I cried so hard that no sound came out. In my anger and frustration, mixed with pain

and grief, I started to speak to Arthur. "Is it such a bad thing, Arthur?!" I spat bitterly at him.

"Look at her. Isn't she enough proof that magic isn't something you choose?! Don't you think

she would have given it up if she could have?! She's dead because of magic! And do you know

what she did in her last moments?! She saved us, all of us, knowing full well what the cost

would be. Look at her, Arthur! Tell me that magic makes a person evil, after all that you've

seen. Tell me!" I cried out again, rocking her back and forth in my arms.

"Merlin… you knew?" I glared at him.

"Yeah, I knew. Are you gonna have me killed? Because at this point, I would gratefully

welcome any form of death with open arms." He didn't speak. "Do it, Arthur. Do it so that I

don't have to do it myself."

"Merlin, please." Gaius put a hand on my shoulder.

"You don't mean that." Arthur said. "I know you're hurting Merlin, but you promised her

you'd live. Could you really betray her like that? I know that my knowledge of magic is very

limited, but I saw what she did, and I know it was good. You might think I can be a heartless

fool, but I am able to recognize sacrifice."

"I don't want to live without her, I can't." Her frail body lie in my arms, a deep blue dress

on that complimented her perfectly. If only she would just open her eyes. As I stared down at

her, sobbing, Gaius looked up and out over the small section of Camelot.

"Look!" He exclaimed. I didn't care much to see anything, but Arthur went over. He

gasped. Those who had been killed or mortally wounded had life once more, and were clinging

tight to their families and friends. Leala's outburst of magic had healed them. Arthur's own eyes

filled with tears as he saw the children who had been lying dead, now wrapped in the embrace

of their parents. A cry of joy rose up from Camelot, from all but one manservant, a physician,

and a prince. They knew the truth. They knew what the happiness of Camelot had cost, and

they knew who had been willing to give it. Yet, while Uther remained king, there would be no

honor for the heroine who gave her life for her people, no mention of the immense power that

had saved them all.

They let me sit with her for almost half an hour more, before Gaius decided enough was

enough. "Merlin, come on. You can carry her if you like, but we cannot let the body go stiff." I

stood with her limp figure in my arms, and Gaius led us out of the city gates, where Gwen

walked solemnly along with us. Gaius kept leading us deeper into the forest, collecting wood

along the way, even though he knew it wasn't necessary.

Leala's body was much too light in my arms. She must have been in so much pain. Gaius

knew where I would want to take her.

We emerged at the small clearing before the lake of Avalon. Shaking, I held her closer. I

didn't want to let her go.

"It's time, Merlin." Gaius said. I slowly took her to the small wooden boat. It seemed like

I was doomed to end all relationships like this. The body of one who had magic is powerful,

especially Leala's unmeasurable magic, so the safest way is to have it burned. While Gaius tried

to light the fire, I casually held out a hand and whispered, and the flames grew. He stepped

back, and Arthur pushed the boat out onto the water. I collapsed where I stood, knees too

weak to stand. Gwen rubbed circles on my back as I sobbed.

"Does anyone want to say anything?" Gaius suggested solemnly. Arthur nodded, and

Began to speak.

"Leala was a fine example of how we all should be. She was stronger and braver than us

all. Even when she knew she was dying, she smiled. That's what made her so incredible. She

willingly gave her live to save the kingdom she loved, even when…" He hesitated. "Even when

they would have had her killed. She used the power of magic for good, and has taught me a

valuable lesson about the human heart. I thank her for her sacrifice and… and her love that she

gave my dear friend, if only for a short time." I had stopped sobbing and pursed my lips as tears

streamed down my cheeks.

"Leala was the best fighter I'd ever known." Gaius began. "She knew that her end was

drawing near, but she still hung on, for the sake of those who needed her. She believed in hope,

and she clung to it with every fiber of her being. That's what kept the rest of us strong. The

world is definitely at a loss without her."

"One thing I noticed about Leala in our short friendship was her ability to find the good

in people, and in bad situations like her own." Gwen started. "She could point out a person's

strong points like no one I've ever known, yet was reluctant to do so in herself. Really, she was

the one who deserved praise. She deserved to be noticed, more than anyone else does. She

didn't owe anything to Camelot, but she gave it anyways. She gave the greatest gift of them all:

life. And I will forever be grateful to her." I took a deep breath before starting.

"There has never been, nor will there ever be anyone like Leala. She came to me like no

one else ever could and she showed me who I really am. There was no hiding, no judgment,

nothing but love. When I was with her, there was nothing else. Just me, and her. She let me her

one and only, while allowing me to be normal, just like anybody else. She let me experience

something I'd never known, and my life won't ever be the same. I have to be thankful for the

time I did have, and would never give that up. She gave me the gift of her heart, which was the

best thing I could've asked for. She was truly incredible…" I was choked off by the sob I'd been

holding in. "I love her, and I don't know how I'll be able to live on without her."

**Author's Note: One more chapter!**


	15. Destiny

Gaius led me home afterwards, because on my own I would have wandered into the

forest and never come back. I didn't do much of anything for the next few days. I got out of

bed, but didn't bother to go to work. I didn't care. I wouldn't eat what Gaius offered, and he

had to force me to drink late on the second day when I nearly passed out from dehydration.

Arthur didn't send for me. I drifted about in Gaius's chambers, not saying a word to

anyone. I could tell it hurt him that I wouldn't speak to him, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

When close to a week had passed, Gaius feared I would die. Finally, I was fed up with being

broken. Gaius had been sitting with me next to the fire, and I stood.

"Merlin?" He asked. I started towards the door. "Where are you going?"

"To the tavern." I pushed open the door and left, leaving Gaius

with mixed emotions between joy that I had spoken and concern of where I was headed.

I tumbled to the bar, asking for a pint of drink, and downed it in a few minutes before

asking for another. It was set before me, and I drank it without hesitation, taking slightly more

time on this one. I paid for another and started to drink. This continued for almost an hour

when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up blearily to see Gwaine.

"You're going to kill yourself that way." He warned.

"Good." I muttered, picking up my cup and raising it to my lips. Gwaine pushed it out of

my hands, and it clattered to the floor. I laid my head on the table, face down in my arms.

Gwaine instructed the bartender not to allow me to drink any more, then left. The next time I

felt a hand on my back, it was Arthur.

"What are you doing, Merlin?" He asked tiredly. I didn't bother to raise my head. I

wasn't actually drunk, my magic kept me from becoming so. However, the alcohol was just as

dangerous to my health.

"I miss her." He sat on the stool next to me.

"Merlin, I know it's hard. But Leala would want you to go on. Imagine if she was able to

see right now. Who knows, maybe she can! She wants you to live, she told you so. And the rest

of us here need you, too. Even me. Especially me." I took a deep breath and sat up.

"Will you come somewhere with me?"

"What?" He was surprised.

"I want to show you where I go. My place. I want to share it with you." It was hard for

him to understand important it was to me, but I think he knew to some extent what I was trying

to give. I was trying to show him he had my trust.

"Okay. We'll go in the morning." He assured me.

"We have to go now, at night. You'll see." I urged, standing to leave.

"Alright, I'm coming." He smiled at me.

I led him out and towards the watchtower. When he realized where we were headed,

he tried to stop me. "Merlin-"

"Trust me, you'll understand." We reached the top, and Bryan came to see me.

"Merlin, you're back." It was then he saw Arthur, and he swiftly knelt down, bowing his

head. "Your majesty, forgive me. I hadn't seen you."

"You may stand. I only wish to be here with my friend." Arthur told him. He nodded and

backed off, allowing me to lead Arthur to the edge. I hadn't been there since the day I'd

attempted to jump. I stood on the edge, and Arthur quickly jumped out and grabbed my wrist.

"Don't worry." I sat down, swinging my legs over to dangle. "Come on." He joined me.

"Do you see now?" I asked him. Arthur's eyes softened.

"It's beautiful."

"It's more than that. Out there, that's you're kingdom. Every house you see, there's life.

Different people doing different things. Some are already sleeping. Others are laughing, joyfully

celebrating. They are alive. Any thought or idea that runs through their head could change or

world forever. That's the thing about people. We are temporary, whether it be our

personalities, concepts, or even life itself. Yet at the same time, our influence can last forever.

Even when we are gone, like with Leala, our existence lives on in those left behind. This is your

kingdom, Arthur, and I will stand by you as you become the king they need." And I knew he saw

it. The brilliance of it all. Of life, of destiny, and of friendship.

"It's incredible. I see now. Thank you…"

"I trust you to be strong."

"And I expect the same from you." I nodded, and we sat there all through the night,

discussing our pasts, and more importantly, our future. As the first rays of golden sun shone

over the horizon, I knew it was a new day, a time for new beginnings, and most importantly,

chasing my destiny yet again.

**Author's Note: Thanks to everyone for reading! This story was awesome to write!**


End file.
